Holiday Dining Etiquette: Expert Tips from Michelle Durpetti

The holiday season is a time for connection, joy, and unforgettable gatherings—and this year, I’m honored to share my insights in Better Homes and Gardens, where I’ve contributed expert tips on dining etiquette and best practices. Whether I’m planning destination weddings in Italy, curating luxurious events in Palm Beach, or welcoming diners to Gene & Georgetti, creating memorable experiences is at the heart of what I do. As a third-generation restaurateur and event planner, blending tradition with modern elegance has always been my passion. From setting the perfect table to crafting intentional moments around it, I believe the holidays are an opportunity to celebrate life’s beautiful details. Be sure to check out the feature for tips on how to elevate your own gatherings this season—whether hosting a festive dinner or simply enjoying the magic of being a guest.

As published on Better Homes and Gardens by Maggie Gillette on November 27, 2024:

8 Dos and Don’ts to Follow If You’re Dining Out on Thanksgiving or Christmas

It’s the most wonderful—and busy—time of the year for restaurants.

The old adage says there’s no place like home for the holidays, but the truth is not everyone likes to entertain. Even those who do might not have the space for comfortably throwing a large gathering or accommodating extended stays (hello, NYC apartments!).

But just because you don’t want to host 10+ of your nearest and dearest doesn’t mean you don’t want to get together with your loved ones. Times change, and it’s now more common for people to celebrate occasions traditionally held at home, like Thanksgiving and Christmas, at a restaurant. This offers a stress-free solution for those who lack the time, space, or just the inclination to cook for a crowd but still want to have a festive, low-effort holiday.

However, eating out around the holidays comes with its own set of rules and challenges. How do you navigate packed restaurants with restless relatives, picky guests with pre-fixe menus, and the ever-tricky tipping? With so much potential confusion, we went straight to the source and spoke with a longtime restaurant owner to get all the dos and don’ts of dining out over the holidays.

Holiday Dining 101

Many restaurants switch things up around the holidays, so even if you’re going to a local favorite, make sure that you know what their cancelation and reservation policies for the festive season look like. Michelle Durpetti, principal at Gene & Georgetti, reminds diners that while this time of year is fun—it’s also a little stressful.

“The holiday season brings more guests into restaurants, which means a busier, more festive atmosphere, and that’s wonderful,” she says. “But please remember—guests should be patient and understanding, as service may take a bit longer due to the high number of diners.”

That said, it’s important to remember the real reason you’re out: In the future, no one will remember that the salads took too long to come out or the dessert course was only so-so. But they’ll think back fondly about spending quality time together, so don’t sweat the small stuff.

“Most importantly, dining out during the holidays is about enjoying the moment, appreciating the service, and making memories with loved ones, so go in with a positive and grateful mindset,” Durpetti says.

Holiday Dining Out Dos

These tips will help you have an enjoyable time when dining out for the holidays.

• Plan ahead. “Make reservations well in advance. Major holidays see a significant spike in dining out, and popular restaurants book up quickly,” Durpetti says.
• Arrive on time for your reservation. This one should be common sense, but please be courteous to both the staff and other customers by showing up on time.
• Dress for the occasion. “Many establishments elevate their dining experience during these festive times, and it is fun to dress up for a holiday dinner,” Durpetti explains. So go ahead and break out your formalwear if you’re so inclined.
• Be respectful. You should always follow the Golden Rule. Durpetti reminds us that restaurant employees are in the service industry, and this is their busiest time—so give them extra grace. “Think about accountants during tax time or whatever profession you’re in and your busy time, and apply that kindness you’d like to receive,” she says.

Holiday Dining Out Don’ts

Keep the following advice in mind when visiting a restaurant during the holidays so the experience goes as smoothly as possible for everyone.

• Don’t expect a full menu. Many restaurants do a smaller pre-fixe menu for big holidays. However, there may be some flexibility. “For pre-fixe menus, it’s generally accepted to request minor substitutions if you don’t like a particular dish, but keep in mind that the restaurant may not be able to accommodate major changes due to the high volume of orders and streamlined holiday operations,” Durpetti says.
• If you have an allergy, inform the restaurant. Mention allergies when making your reservation and then again as soon as you arrive, so staff can make accommodations or suggest safe alternatives. “Restaurants usually take allergies very seriously and will work to ensure guest safety,” Durpetti says.
• Don’t make last-second changes to your reservation (either the time or the number of people). Lots of work goes into planning busy holidays, and expecting the restaurant to make major adjustments isn’t realistic or polite.
• Don’t overstay your welcome. While you don’t have to rush through your meal, if you notice you’re the only ones in the dining room long after the other patrons have gone, it’s time to head home.

What about tipping?

Tipping has been a hot-button issue lately, potentially even more so during this busy season.

“During the holidays, tipping generously is a thoughtful way to recognize the hard work of the restaurant staff who are giving up their holiday to serve others,” Durpetti says. “It’s a kind gesture to go above the typical 20% if possible, especially if the service was excellent.”

How Much Are You Supposed to Tip Right Now?

Look for special service charges; some restaurants may include gratuity for special occasions or parties over a certain size. Of course, if you feel you had exceptional service, you can always do additional gratuity.

And it’s not just the monetary thanks that matters. “It is also really wonderful to write a positive review and name your server,” Durpetti says. “At our restaurant, we read those out loud in shift meetings to congratulate team members for doing a great job, and those kind words go so far for morale and confidence.”

See the piece on Better Homes and Gardens here.